Yesterday's chest CT

This was the room where I had the chest CT yesterday. I like that they try to make this holiday season feel festive. Going through cancer treatments can feel pretty cold and clinical, so I appreciate the touches that make me feel more "human."

Friday afternoon turns out to be a good time for a scan in my oncologist's office because fewer people are working, so fewer patients are there. The waiting room was almost empty.

The IV specialist called me back right at my appointment time. She was super nice and very apologetic when the stick hurt quite a bit. Because I'm a difficult stick they often choose weird places. This time (and the last two scans that required IVs) my wrist ended up having the best veins. If you've had sticks in your wrist, you know it's a more painful area.

This IV especially hurt because she had to use a larger needle for the contrast. But knowing the whole procedure wasn't more than 10 minutes helped. If I know the pain will end pretty soon, I can tolerate it. She got the vein first try and then flushed the IV with saline to be sure it would work for the contrast. It did.

Then I went into the room in the photo above. The CT machine has a bench, and I lay down feet toward the machine with a nice support under my knees.

But it was painful at first to lie down. I know it's because the muscles in the front of my body are shortened because I sit most of the time, AND I sleep in an adjustable bed where I have the head of the bed elevated along with the foot of the bed. The bed angles vary depending on my pain, but I'm never flat on my back.

I think it's why old people are so often bent over. I'm bent over now, and using a walker makes it even worse. I'm hoping that at some point soon I feel well enough to do some stretching to try to improve my posture. But I'm not quite at that point yet.

I was very nauseated yesterday morning and the nausea lasted longer than usual. I made an executive decision not to take the Kisqali because I don't think I'd have felt well enough to get the CT scan if I'd added that nausea to what I was already experiencing. If missing one day's dose shortens my life, so be it.

But back to the scan. Once I breathed into the pain of being on the bench, I had to raise my arms over my head for the scan. And that position bought out new pains. Those weren't quite as bad, so I was ready for the scan pretty quickly.

The tech warned me that I'd feel the contrast when she put it in the IV. That I'd feel warm and as if I had to pee. I've had quite a few scans with contrast over the years, so I knew to expect this.

I always keep my eyes closed once the tech says they're getting started.

Because I can be claustrophobic.

And if I can't see the tube right over me, I'm not as aware that it's there. I've found that a lot of my fear and pain are what my brain creates based on what it sees.

So I limit what it sees!

Because my left elbow did touch the tube, I knew when I was inside. Also that's when the tech would tell me to hold my breath.

When she slid me into the tube the first time, she said she was starting the contrast. And then she said to hold my breath just as I tasted the contrast. I always taste it, but this was the first time I tasted it exactly when I had to hold my breath. That was kind of weird because I wanted to swallow but also didn't want to breathe.

So I just froze until she said, "You can breathe now."

I was in and out of the tube three times I think. I was surprised when she said, "All done!"

I commented on how fast it was, and she said she got clear pictures right away.

They always offer something to drink after scans as well as snacks. I chose Sprite because of the low-level nausea I still had.

Then I was back to the waiting room, and my friend who drove me was surprised it went so fast.

And soon I was on my way back home.

Yesterday afternoon was my closest to feeling "normal" than any day since my diagnosis! I actually felt almost good. That only lasted a few hours, but I really enjoyed those hours.

I'm wondering if it might be because I didn't take the Kisqali. I feel sure its effects are cumulative, and since this is my third week of taking it—to be followed by a week off—this week will probably be the roughest. And even one day's break at this point made me feel less bad...which felt almost good. Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, will be the first day of my week "off" of Kisquali. I look forward to that.

Today is back to some nausea. I have ginger ale handy. I'm eating several small meals throughout the day rather than big ones at the "usual" times. I have sports on TV. It's a pleasant Saturday with a few pretty leaves hanging around.

And shortly I'll have a phone call with a good friend who lives far away.

Friends have really come through for me this past week. I'm touched with how generous people are. With their time and resources and energy. There are so many people offering to help me. And so many are already helping.

I appreciate each one of them. Of you, because many of my helpers also make sure to keep up with me via this blog.

Even on my discouraged days I'm aware of how many people are holding me in their thoughts and prayers.

And on my good days I truly feel uplifted by all of the good energy.

I'm probably MORE uplifted on the discouraging days. That's probably what gets me through.

This support is why I share so openly.

Well, it's one reason. Another is that I feel sure I'm helping others who are going through or will go through something similar. There's something about knowing you're not the only one that helps.

And because I enjoy writing, this is a way that I can use my gifts to help others—while also receiving help.

It's a win-win.

I hardly think about the CT scan results. I figure my doctor will tell me. The results will probably come through the portal soon. But I won't even look. So there's no point in asking me...because I won't know! That's one way I keep myself from going to worst-case scenario.

I'll share with y'all after I know something. And when I feel like sharing.

As much as I like keeping people informed, sometimes I don't want to deal with everything. And I let myself take a break.

I'm taking a break now for a bit to enjoy a weekend. And maybe even a whole week! I don't have any cancer-related medical appointments, so this might be a "long" break until I see my oncologist again on December 3rd. The week off of Kisquai is coming at a great time!

I wish all of you a lovely Thanksgiving in whatever way you give thanks.

Y'all know *I* have PLENTY to give thanks for! So I will. And do!