Post-infusion and more

I was up early enough to see a sunrise one morning last week. This was the view to the east right out my front door.

I haven't written in a while. I kind of forgot about my blog! But when a friend emailed to check on me, I was reminded. So here's my update.

The past week+ has had some rough days where my bones were really aching—plus I had some nausea.

My aching bones were likely a result of the bone-strengthening infusion I had last week.

I didn't expect to have much side effect from the infusion because my oncologist said people often don't experience any. I do think my bones hurt more than usual. But it's hard to know if it was the infusion or the weather that caused the extra pain. The barometric pressure has been making big changes. And I'm super sensitive to those changes.

But no matter the cause—infusion or weather—it's been a painful week+.

The nice thing during this time has been that my sister was here to take care of me. It's such a blessing for me to have her help. Not having to get up and walk around on my aching knees nearly as often sure helps with the pain levels. When she's here she's always asking, "What can I do for you?" And she likes being busy, so I don't feel (too) guilty about asking for help with lots of things.

The infusion last week was the last cancer-related activity for a few days until I had an appointment with the "psychosocial oncology" therapist on Tuesday. My first appointment was supposed to be the day after Christmas but there was a scheduling snafu. My appointment got accidentally canceled that morning (unbeknownst to me), and someone else got my time slot.

But there was no snafu this time. The counselor was very apologetic about the snafu. And luckily enough time had passed that I was over my anger and hurt about the snafu. The session was good in that I did come away with a focus of one subject I needed to deal with. But overall I don't think I'll want many sessions. Meeting once a month or less will be about right for me.

I've had a lifetime of seeking...reading, thinking, meditating, searching, pondering. And I'm now at the point that I'm no longer in that frame of mind. I'm much more content to let things be as they are. No more spending so much time and energy trying to figure them out. Buddhists teach about the finger pointing at the moon vs. the moon itself. All of the reading and searching I've done has been the finger. But now I'm more able to look at the moon itself. I don't need that finger very much anymore.

I'm not sure if the counselor understood when I tried to explain that to her. I could tell she really wanted to give me something to take with me, something helpful. But that's not where I am in life now. Honestly, I don't know that many people can understand what I'm trying to say. But that's okay.

I can just say that where I am now is a lot more comfortable than the seeking mode I lived in for the vast majority of my life.

I had another appointment this week after the one with the counselor. The palliative care nurse practitioner I had was moved to another area, so I have a new practitioner, this time a doctor. I met her on Thursday and really like her. I really liked the NP as well. So I only have good commentary about the palliative care team.

Nausea has been one of my particular challenges. Even after quitting Kisqali, I have nausea on some days. Actually, most days. My sister thought to ask about Marinol, a CBD product that has been magical in stopping the nausea I'd typically have after surgery. My palliative care doc said it would be worth a try, that she can prescribe it and maybe my pharmacy would have it. But that it's often not available. Well, it turned out that my pharmacy could get it! I haven't tried it yet because the nausea isn't as bad today. But I sure will give it a try on a bad day.

Oh, and my mouth is sensitive. Right now the tip of my tongue and the front of my palate feel raw. Any spicy hot food lights me up. Heck, even mint toothpaste hurts. So does carbonation from soft drinks. I have two kinds of magic mouthwash, but they taste bad plus I'm not really a fan of the numbness from the lidocaine. So I pretty much just tolerate the rawness. It does affect how food tastes, though. Very little food tastes the same as it did before I started these meds. Some foods taste okay, but none really taste good.

My sister headed back home today. I've got my fingers crossed that the barometric pressure changes aren't as severe and hitting my knees as hard. And that the nausea doesn't ramp up again.

But overall I know I can tolerate whatever because I know I can call on friends for help. And I know that I can pace myself and do a good bit on my own. It's all about the balance of knowing how much I can do myself and when to call on help.

I have a break from appointments until a big one next Friday, the 23rd. That's when I have a CT to see if the targeted meds are keeping the cancer in check. It's a scan that involves contrast so I'll get there at noon to give the contrast time to get to work before the scan at 1 o'clock.

Of course it makes me nervous to think about the results. There has been evidence from scans I've had at the ER that the meds are actually healing the cancer some. I hope that continues to be the case. But I haven't been taking Kisqali for a while, and part of me worries that it was the drug healing the cancer. I've taken Letrozole the whole time. Maybe it's holding the cancer at bay by itself. I hope so!

But I sure do appreciate prayers and good vibes for healing and good news from the scan.

I appreciate those of you who are following my journey and holding me in positive light. I do believe that positive energy has a positive effect on those we think of and pray about.

So thank you for the positivity. You're making a difference in my life, even if we can't SEE it.

It's still happening.

And I can feel it.

Thank you!