I finally have lung function test results...

Let's add another disease and more meds to my list...

These photos are big hints about what I finally found out about my lungs.

Yep, there is a problem.

The lung function test interpreter doc reported this: "There is obstruction. FEV1 is 48%." That's how much I can blow out. Only 48% of what you'd expect. And then this: "Total lung capacity is reduced at 64% of predicted."

My pulmonologist finally reponded to my Wednesday call and portal message on Saturday (I guess he catches up on the weekends). He said, "Your lung function does indicate that you have lung disease such as COPD/Asthma." And he also said, "I have ordered 2 inhalers for you. Once called Symbicort that is to be used every day, twice a day."

But as of today (Tuesday) I still don't have the Symbicort because my pharmacy didn't have it on hand. And they close at 1 on Saturdays and are closed on Sundays and Monday was a holiday. For some reason it didn't come in today. Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

Luckily I saw my palliative care doc on Thursday and told her about the lung fuction test and how during the walk I could tell a positive difference after a couple of puffs of Albuterol. She prescribed Albuterol, and I picked it up that day and have used it most days since. That's the other inhaler the pulmonologist prescribed.

I knew something was wrong with my lung function. In some ways I'm glad to have an almost diagnosis. (I won't consider it a full dignosis until I see my pulmonologist at my appointment in early October).

But in other ways I'm just more bummed to have validation of yet another health challenge.

This past couple of weeks has had some hard times partially because it's my 15 year traumaversary from my very first cancer diagnosis.

And when I write "very first" knowing two more came along it makes me realize how much I've been through. And then add other surgeries like knee replacements and then replacement of a replacement because it didn't work correctly. And a hysterectomy, which compared with everything else was a piece of cake.

And then I think of how different my life is now.

The other day when I parked at Aldi I took a further-away parking place because hey, it's good to get in more steps. That's what I used to do when I could walk easily.

But I can't walk or breathe easily anymore. I learned on that Aldi trip that I need to find the closest parking place because after walking around the grocery store walking to a further-away parking spot ain't easy. I need to find the handicapped space if there is one (yes, I have the handicapped hanger for my car).

I sometimes forget that who I am now is a lot more physically-challenged than who I used to be. And then I get a harsh reminder.

It's so weird to be so different from who you used to be!

When I see my reflection in a window I'm always surprised at how old and bent over I am.

That's not who I see in my mind's eye.

In my mind I can stand tall and have a little gray in my hair—and I can walk around easily.

But that's not what other people see. And it's not who I am now.

At least, though, my mind seems to be almost as good as it ever was. I'm a little more forgetful but I can think well.

And I have a LOT more wisdom. Having so much of my ego worn away by health challenges does have its benefits.

I'll wrap this up by saying that now I have validation that yes I have lung problems that affect the quality of my life. But I also have (or will soon have) some prescrption inhalers to help.

And yes I'm not who I used to be.

But I'm adjusting.

I find pleasure in lots of small things. I'm grateful for so very many things.

I think that's a lot of what the end of life is about. Showing us what really matters.

And how resilient we can be.

And that we need to look for beauty and love every day.

One place I recently found beauty was in this okra blossom. And I find love every day through the many people I interact with whether through phone calls or texts or emails or social media.

I'm grateful for all of that. Even when I'm feeling bummed.

Maybe especially then!