Crocuses and hope

Crocuses are just about the perfect symbol for this point of my medical journey

These tiny flowers in the flower bed in front of my house have been the first to bloom every year since I had them planted three years ago.

They let me know that spring is on the way. They make me feel hopeful for warmer weather with lots of blooming flowers all around.

And I feel especially blessed to be able to say that now, during crocus season, I'm feeling much better overall.

And that I'm feeling hopeful in this cancer journey.

My oncologist said on the first day I saw her in October: "Let's get you feeling better."

She's said that on visits since then. I hoped that feeling better was possible. But I was a bit skeptical.

Because I'd felt bad for a long time.

And now I really am feeling better.

Even with taking a new targeted med!

Apparently cancer takes a lot out of you, using up energy so that there's not enough to go around. I was on a journey last year of feeling worse and worse and worse and worse. Each month was worse than the previous one.

I had no idea that cancer could be behind this negative progression. When I had cancer two times, I didn't feel like this—tired and in pain and unable to get around.

But it turned out that it was cancer causing these symptoms.

And now that the targeted meds are keeping the cancer in check and even healing some spots, my body has more energy to go around. I can do so much more around the house. I don't need the walker nearly as often. I can get up and down my stairs to do laundry. I can strip and make up my bed. I can bend over to load and unload the dishwasher.

And I actually walked to my mailbox yesterday!

I certainly never would have thought that walking to my mailbox would be an accomplishment. But it is now. One that I've achieved!

The new med, Ibrance, did make me pretty nauseated off and on the first couple of days. But after those two days I've only had some nausea now and then. And it's not severe.

And I've had a pretty good appetite most days. That in itself is an improvement.

I still get tired easily. And I have a ways to go to get some of my strength back.

But I'm seeing so much improvement...

Feeling better, eating better, moving better.

That's my current update.

I don't take for granted that this improvement will continue. But it's what I have right now, so I won't discount it.

Pretty crocuses and better days.

That pretty much sums up this update.

Pretty crocuses and better days... and lots of gratitude!

Addendum:

I waited a few hours to post, and now I have a lot more pain. The superstitious part of me says I jinxed myself.

But the other part says: "That's what this journey is like. Unpredictable. You enjoy the nice times when they're nice. And you tolerate the rougher times when they're rough. And even when it's rough, there's something to enjoy."

The crocuses are still blooming, no matter how I feel. And there are other bulbs peeking up, waiting to bloom soon, no matter how I feel.

It's always a mixed bag.

That's life!